The Child She Couldn't Have
by Amoridere
Summary: A fanfiction from Reimu's POV, Eirin, Kanako, and Yuyuko comes for a visit and have a discussion with Ran concerning a tragic secret, Yukari's infertility.
1. Chapter 1

Once Kanako, Sanae, Eirin, and Yuyuko came to visit. I do remember them sitting with Ran, talking with her about something. Naturally, I was so curious so I eavesdropped. Of course, I learned something unfortunate with Yukari and that was fact that it was unlikely she could have any little ones of her own. I knew Yukari was childless from the start but we didn't assume she was barren.

"You know, I have been thinking, why is it that Yukari has bore no children of her own?" Kanako asked Ran, who responded, "I don't know, but I think she can't have any, of course, that is only my assumption."

Yuyuko, shocked, asked, "Oh, does that explain why it is she got so sad when I mentioned she should have had children when she visited me once, with that little hair bow in her hair?"

"Oh, Yuyuko, don't tell me you've mentioned that, have you? When she had to give Reimu back, she was really distraught and, since you mentioned she was upset when you brought up the notions of her having her own child, it could be likely she is infertile."

"Um, question, but how does she know?"

"I guess she's, uh, Yukari, however, being that I was once her shikigami, I spent most of my time in the house, so I don't really know if she's attempted to have any but, if I remember correctly, we were in town once when I was a child and someone asked if I was hers. Subtly, the question broke her heart and, when we got home, she had tears streaming down her face."

"That still has the question as to how she knows."

"Maybe she just does, after I can name a time, where I found her with her hands on her abdomen with such a heartbroken look and that was while she surrounded by so many yokai with babies and, when I suggested some medicine for her troubles, she broke into tears and wept so much that half of Eientei was destroyed."

"How preposterous! How can someone possibly destroy something by crying? What did she do, flood it with her tears?"

"Yes, Yuyuko, and she did more than flood it, rather, her loud cries caused an earthquake, a rockslide, and, somehow, a large tree, that was nowhere near there, to fall in the examination room. To put it simply, she caused total chaos."

"Oh."

"Aye, well, Eirin, that was a bit thoughtless of you to 'suggest some medicine for her troubles', no wonder she cried at that."

"Well, I thought that would make her happy and I figured the medicine could help."

"Maybe her infertility can't be corrected with medicine or you've just reminded that she barren when seeing all of those yokai with babies were just enough to make her upset."

"Now, now, girls, lets be happy that she has Reimu, after all, I heard how much she loves her. As a matter of fact she loves Reimu so much that she tried to destroy Sanae, though, I never quite figured out what it is that she did to her, besides the fact that she percieved Sanae as threat to her."

"I do remember that Yukari expressed desire to take Reimu the grave with her just to keep from losing her and was beyond devastated when I convinced her to give her to me so I could bring her to be raised by her family. Actually, I remember that she was so devastated she started to sleep more and more and, once, she slept for a few days."

"Usually, Yukari is an odd sort but that shows that she really wanted to have a baby but knows she never could and that loss of Reimu, a baby she came to think of as hers, really destroyed her, reminding her that she was infertile. After all, I don't see anything wrong with a yokai raising a future shrine maiden and her mother should have been grateful."

"Yes, yes, but she was only given to Yukari so she could be a wet nurse and her duties were exhausted once Reimu was weaned and she didn't want to give her back, trying to flee with the infant. She would have taken her to the grave, if I didn't convince her otherwise but I know that is how much she's loved Reimu."

"Why take the baby away? Reimu was so happy and Yukari had been in some sort of pain to know she was barren, I mean, she took care of Reimu, most certainly anyone could tell they were happy as yokai and baby, also _Reimu is the child she couldn't have._"

In hearing them speak, I felt special and even more like a daughter to her. In thinking about our bond, I did wonder how would that be if Yukari could have children and it seemed she would prefer no other, after all, she was a tad satisfied with Ran, then Chen, and then myself, only in the former two no one could take them away. Naturally, though, I did resent my birth mother for taking me away from her because she demonized Yukari in a way when she wanted something, too, reminding her of her infertility. Even though I was too young to remember, I do think they could have worked something out. In the end, Yukari stayed with me in little ways and I sought her out in return, as the child she couldn't have.


	2. Yukari's POV

Once Kanako, Sanae, Eirin, and Yuyuko came to visit and had conversation with Ran. Being that I was in the next room over, I couldn't help but to overhear. Nevertheless, what I heard brought tears to my eyes. They were talking about something I never at all wanted to share and that was the fact I was indeed barren. Nature had played such a cruel trick on my me, giving me a very defective womb (so defective that its made even menstruation impossible) along with non-viable eggs and, deep within, I had been torn up about it. I may not be human nor do I think like humans but even I can feel heartbreak and grief and my infertility was the very source of that. My chances of ever having children are zero, as medication or surgery can't even correct it. Some youkai are quite attuned to their bodies to know that and I am no exception, as I have been aware of every inner working of my body. I never really did quite forgive her mother, that impudent wretched negligent slattern, for wanting her back as she didn't take of Reimu since birth but, nevertheless, it was in her best interests to be raised by humans and she would have had to go back with her mother anyway. Either way and justifiably so, Reimu rejected her.

Though, right now, I cannot help but to feel betrayed that they would even dare discuss that. "You know, I have been thinking, why is Yukari bore no children of her own?" Kanako asked Ran, who responded, "I don't know, but I think she can't have any, of course, that is only my assumption."

Yuyuko, shocked, asked, "Oh, does that explain why it is she got so sad when I mentioned she should have had children when she visited me once, with that little hairbow in her hair?"

"Oh, Yuyuko, don't tell me you've mentioned that, have you? When she had to give Reimu back, she was really distraught and, since you mentioned she was upset when you brought up the notions of her having her own child, it could be likely she is infertile."

"Um, question, but how does she know?"

"I guess she's, uh, Yukari, however, being that I was once her shikigami, I spent most of my time in the house, so I don't really know if she's attempted to have any but, if I remember correctly, we were in town once when I was a child and someone asked if I was hers. Subtly, the question broke her heart and, when we got home, she had tears streaming down her face."

"That still has the question as to how she knows."

"Maybe she just does, after I can name a time, where I found her with her hands abdomen with such a heartbroken look and that was while she surrounded by so many yokai with babies and, when I suggested some medicine for her troubles, she broke into tears and wept so much that half of Eintei was destroyed."

"How preposterous! How can someone possibly destroy something by crying? What did she do, flood it with her tears?"

"Yes, Yuyuko, and she did more than flood it, rather, her loud cries caused an earthquake, a rockslide, and, somehow, a large tree, that was nowhere near there, to fall in the examination room. To put it simply, she caused total chaos."

"Oh."

"Aye, well, Eirin, that was a bit thoughtless of you to 'suggest some medicine for her troubles', no wonder she cried at that."

"Well, I thought that would make her happy and I figured the medicine could help."

"Maybe her infertility can't be corrected with medicine or you've just reminded her that she's barren when seeing all of those yokai with babies were just enough to make her upset."

"Now, now, girls, lets be happy that she has Reimu, after all, I heard how much she loves her. As a matter of fact she loves Reimu so much that she tried to destroy Sanae, though, I never quite figured out what it is that she did to her, besides the fact that she percieved Sanae as threat to her."

"I do remember that Yukari expressed desire to take Reimu the grave with her just to keep from losing her and was beyond devastated when I convinced her to give her to me so I could bring her to be raised by her family. Actually, I remember that she was so devastated she started to sleep more and more and, once, she slept for a few days."

"Usually, Yukari is an odd sort but that shows that she really wanted to have a baby but knows she never could and that loss of Reimu, a baby she came to think of as hers, really destroyed her, reminding her that she was infertile. After all, I don't see anything wrong with a yokai raising a future shrine maiden and her mother should have been grateful."

"Yes, yes, but she was only given to Yukari so she could be a wet nurse and her duties were exhausted once Reimu was weaned and she didn't want to give her back, trying to flee with the infant. She would have taken her to the grave, if I didnt convince her otherwise but I know that is how much she's loved Reimu."

"Why take the baby away? Reimu was so happy and Yukari had been in some sort of pain to know she was barren, I mean, she took care of Reimu, most certainly anyone could tell they were happy as yokai and baby, also Reimu is the child she couldn't have."

I never did let Eirin forget that, though I didn't mean to destroy Eientei as I didn't think I'd be that upset and, while I do think us both deserve a bit of slap to the face (she more so), I am still very apologetic in regards to the incident. If I turned back the hands of time, I will have made it that I never even bothered to visit her. Nevertheless, I cannot help but to be reminded of my grief over the matter. In regards to my dear human child, she is the very one I couldn't have.


End file.
